The World's Most Beautiful Voyage - Hurtigruten Review

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The world's most beautiful voyage is how the Hurtigruten cruise line bills the coastal voyage from Bergen to Kirkenes. They are so right! We were on the Midnatsol the same time as karoggra who posted a review titled, Best scenic cruise in the world. The voyage is rarely on open sea so you have scenery on both sides of the ship most of the trip.

My husband and I were traveling on a tour arranged by travel agency so we had a pickup from our hotel to the dock. We arrived about 6 p.m. after an all day Norway in a Nutshell® tour. Check-in took seconds and we boarded with our carry-on bags. The cabin cards were handed to us as we entered the covered walkway to deck 6. The deck 6 entrance is only used at Bergen. Our bags were waiting at the entrance to our cabin. Since we were doing a round-trip and started at the home port, baggage handling was done by the ship crew.

Ship: We had an starboard outside cabin on deck 4. It was 2 cabins away from the atrium where the More elevators are located. All the traffic on and off the ship on the voyage takes place on deck 4 by the elevators so it was very handy. The ship has its own gangway which opens up on the side of the side. Stand on deck 5 and watch the gangway open sometime. It is very interesting.

There are two other openings in the side of the ship further down for cargo and cars. The ship doesn't have to rely on port gangways which take time. The ship is very efficient getting in and out of ports. Some stops were for only 15 minutes. I learned how they did that visiting the bridge.

The cargo hold is designed for pallets so the forklift trucks would be whipping around on the dock unloading or loading. At Stamsund, we had over an hour stay so while we were out walking around the village, the forklift operators were unloading mattresses and building supplies.

There is another elevator near the back of the ship serving decks 4 - 8. It is handy for those in the stern of the ship. Public restrooms are available near the dining room on deck 5 and near the main elevators on deck 5 and 8. There is a conference area on deck 5 which is used for presentations or conferences. It is not an entertainment venue. We did have three slide presentations on the ship: The Royal Family, National Day and National Costumes. We are onboard for National Day, May 17. There was a parade around deck 9 with flags, banners, and national costumes.

Cabin: Our cabin was very functional. We had a cabin with one twin bed under the window and one perpendicular to it. The bed under the window made into a sofa during the day. The beds are hard but still comfortable. The covers are duvets with a quilted liner. It was too hot for me so I just used the sheet. There was one extra pillow in the room and we asked for another. There are two wool blankets to use on the outside decks. Yes, we needed the blanket when lounging topside some days.

You receive one bath towel and one hand towel to start. If you want a clean towel, leave it on the floor. There are no washcloths. I bought a few with me. There is a mounted container of hand soap/shampoo by the sink and in the shower area. To save room packing, I used Twitter @HurtigrutenASA to find out that there was a dryer in the bathroom. There is.

The cabin has desk area with small mirrored cubbies on either size of the big mirror. There is a plug by the mirror which we used to charge the camera batteries and iPad. You will need a converter and adapter for the European style plug.

The hanging closet had two sections (his and hers) with 5 hangers in each section. The clothes hang front to back rather than side by side. There were two sections of shelving in the main closet and two more big shelves by the desk. The suitcases fit under the bed.

The bathroom was very functional and I liked it better than some of the US market ships I have been on. There is a step up to the bathroom. There is a small step down to the shower. It is designed to have an angle to allow more room. The curtain is long enough to keep the water in the shower area. The shower head can be kept mounted on the pole or used as a hand-held. There is a retractable clothes line. The floor can be heated with the switch on the wall outside the bathroom. There is a big wall cabinet with shelves for all your toiletries. I still had space in it after stowing everything. There is a towel bar by the sink with wall mounted cup holders.

I found out that the inside cabins do have TV as well as the suites. No TV in the outside cabins. It was not missed. The telephone has some radio stations that you can listen to.

There are 4 washing machines on deck 4 close to the rear elevator. You purchase a token from reception and they give you the soap. The dryer is free. There are posted instructions in English. The machines are labelled in Norwegian. We did two loads for about $10.

What to do: If you take the round trip cruise you will receive a 130-page book with colored photos and an explanation of what you will see broken down by days. It is a great resource to read about what you are seeing along the way. The Tour Director does make announcements as described in three languages, English is always the second one. She gave us a heads up to what scenic wonder was coming our way so we could get to observation lounges or the correct side of the ship. You can turn off the announcements on the phone in your cabin.

As mentioned, there are many lounges without any waiters to bother you about drinks. If you want a drink, you go to the bar and get it yourself. There was a tray for self-busing of cups and glasses in most lounges.

We liked the forward lounges on deck 8 and 9 and the library on deck 8. The library has games and some English language books left by passengers. The deck 8 and 9 lounges have windows on three sides so you had a great view of the scenery. Deck 9 lounge is actually open to deck 8 lounge. It does get a little warm up there so we preferred deck 8.

Deck 9 had three major sections, the inside lounge, the outside deck with glass walls to protect from the wind and the back deck. We liked to lounge in the back. The chairs are not loungers so if you want to put your feet up, use another chair.

There are many teak round tables and matching chairs near the doorway on deck 9. The smokers were usually in this area.

Food: I was more impressed with the food than other reviewers. The food presentation at dinner was very impressive. Two chef teams took over the buffet area (in the center of the room) to dish up the food. One did the sauce, one plated the entree and sides and another added the garnishes. We received a booklet with the menus for the trip so we knew what night we would have the reindeer or the salmon. I am not a great fish eater but I did enjoy the meals.

Granted the breakfast and lunch buffets didn't vary much but they had a different hot breakfast item daily and hot lunch items. I discovered the hot oatmeal and added dried fruit and granola stuff to it. There was soft and hardboiled eggs very morning. I liked the whole grain breads. They did have a breakfast pasty item each day. They had a 6-slice toaster if you wanted toast. We learned to grab juice and water from the machine and stake out a table for the open seating breakfast. Than we headed to the buffet to stock up. Keep in mind the buffet is designed for the European market so expect cheese and cold cuts on the breakfast menu. Where else can you have cottage cheese and herring for breakfast. My husband was delighted with the 4-5 cheese selections at breakfast and lunch. He reports that they were mostly soft, all delicious, but no cheddar.

You won't find tacos, pizza, or hamburgers on the menu. If you want french fries, go to the snack bar and pay for them. The soups were excellent. I like smooth cream soups and these were excellent. Who knew asparagus soup could taste so good. The desserts were good and don't miss out on the slab ice cream at lunch. I didn't discover that until day 4!

Coffee: The coffee came out of one of the machines where you press a button and you get a cup of coffee. It is strong! I would have a cup with breakfast and than take another cup out to the lounge. Coffee was not provided at the table for dinner. The coffee machine is located on deck 8 by the bar. After dinner you go for coffee. If you want coffee between meals, you pay 25 KOR ($3.85) for a cup. They do have a coffee plan which is good for an entire year! You pay 209 KOR ($32.20 at this time) for a red metal lined mug which allows you to get coffee or tea for the trip. If you were a commuter and traveled frequently, it would be a good deal. We opted not to do that and were fine with the free coffee after meals.

Water: Although there are signs on the dining room table for purified water for 19 KOR, we found out that you just ask for tap water and they bring a carafe of water (no ice) to the table. They do that at lunch and dinner. I brought my own water bottle with me which I refilled from the bathroom sink. The water is nice and cold and tastes like bottled water.

Tours: We went on the following excursions: (Northbound) Trondheim Folk Museum, Tromsø City Tour (Polaria and Arctic Cathedral), and (Southbound) Tromsø Midnight Concert [the ship arrives at 11:45 p.m.], Lofoten Islands countryside tour, Trondheim City Tour (includes Nidaros Cathedral). We might have gone on more tours but they are not cheap. My husband says, the Folk Museum could have been skipped.

I did the Bridge Tour to see the Captain and the Bridge on day 11. I found it very interesting and worthwhile. That is posted in the daily program.

Shopping: The gift shop on board has a very nice selection of Norwegian products. We ended up doing most of our souvenir shopping on board. There is a nice gift shop at the Polar Bear Club in Hammerfest right by the dock. By the way the public library is across the street and has free wi-fi. There is a nice gift shop and ice bar in Honningsvåg close to the dock.

Internet Access: There are 4 computers on deck 8 by the library. There is a 40 KOR ($6.22) charge per hour of use. I used my iPad and iTouch with the wireless that is available in the public areas. It is satellite so the reception is dependent upon a good signal so don't expect much when in the fjords or when there are mountain ranges on both sides of the ship. The mountains do impact reception. Deck 8 or 9 is the best. There is no coverage in the cabins and deck 5 is not as strong as deck 8. Thanks to the purser who helped me get the wi-fi started on my new iPad.

Staff: The staff are great. All are Norwegian and most switch effortlessly from Norwegian to English to German. The staff work 22 days on and then 22 days off including the captain. We did see some new faces over the course of the cruise. There is not a culture of tipping so we didn't have to worry about an add on for tips like most cruises. There is a big wooden bowl by the head waiter's desk at the entrance to the dining room. There is a small sign that it is for TIPS with Thank You in several languages. We left the rest of our Norwegian money in the tip bowl.

The staff are helpful, have a ready smile, are efficient but are not fawning. Since the Hurtigruten line does ferry and cargo service besides us tourists, they have some systems that are not the same as a regular cruise line. What you won't see: no towel animals, no nightly program in your room, (pick it up in the announcement area on deck 8), no turn down service, no free between meal snacks, no singers and dancers (singer and keyboard in the lounge deck 8 in the evening), and no rah rah cruise director. What you will find is a comfortable trip in the midst of spectacular scenery with plenty of time to relax and read or look out the window.

As Americans, we were in the minority. The prominent groups were Norwegian and German. The weather was good for most of the trip. The last few days were overcast with clouds hiding the mountain tops. We had clear skies for a good part of the trip and enjoyed the midnight sun. Less

California Dreamin' Part II: From San Jose to Big Sur, Spending Only $51 a Day

Read article : California Dreamin' Part II: From San Jose to Big Sur, Spending Only $51 a Day

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Getting away from the big city isn't always easy, but the proximity of the magnificent beauty of Big Sur to the major metropolises of California makes it an ideal and popular weekend drive.

Getting There

There's no point in poking around San Jose, so speed on down to the Monterey-Carmel area on US 101 to Prunedale, then westward on 156 to Seaside, where you join the Pacific Coast Highway, Number 1. If you can tear yourself away from the delights of those two cities, start on down the highway, taking your time and stopping at as many turnouts or vistas as you can.

If you have time, return on the same marvelous routing, catching different views and vistas, the better to see the mist creeping in, or a sunset, or a day when the fog bank sits along the horizon like a very thick futon, creating an amazing wall a few miles out to sea. Should you be in a hurry, however, go on down Route 1 to Cambria, and then turn eastward on State 465 to Templeton, where you pick up speedy US 101 for your return trip north.

Highlights

The best weather here is in the spring and fall, the former being the time when wildflowers abound (especially lupines and poppies, as well as the tall purple cones called "the Pride of Madeira"). May is still peaceful, as the big summer season and the crowds begin in June, with warm weather and a chance even to dip into the rivers here. Indian summer and it's requisite marvelous fall colors, with poison oak showing deep red, the maples, sycamore, and cottonwoods their golden yellows and oranges, dutifully comes along late in September and throughout all of October. In mid-November, the season for fishing steelhead rainbow trout opens. Best of all, from the end of December through the entire month of March, you can watch migrating gray whales offshore as they traverse the route from sunny Baja California northward.

All the way down along scenic PCH1, the 90-mile stretch of Big Sur affords great views of the awesomely beautiful and rugged coastline between Carmel to the north and San Simeon to the south. The highway was completed in 1937 after 18 years of hard work, partly with the aid of convict labor. (They didn't even have electricity in these parts until the 1950s!) And although Highway One is well maintained, it has plenty of sharp curves and steep hills, so take it easy. Besides, if you drive too quickly, you won't have a chance to see the most beautiful coastline in the world, in the opinion of many experienced travelers.

If it's beach time you want, bring a blanket and a jacket, as it can be chilly, even in summer. You can get down to the Andrew Molera State Park beach, 23 miles south of Carmel, easily on a mile-long path paralleling the Big Sur River.

A cultural highlight of the drive is the Henry Miller Library, just one-fourth of a mile south of the Nepenthe restaurant on the mountainside of the road. Henry, who wrote his best-known work, Tropic of Cancer, in 1934, settled down in Big Sur (not at this building) in 1944, and wrote many other books here. This is not a library of books he collected, but of books by and about him, as well as other highly literary and experimental works for sale by other authors. It's open Thursdays through Sundays, 11 to 6 or by appointment. Phone the library at 831/667-2574 or visit the Web site, www.henrymiller.org.

Although Big Sur is as close to nature as you can get in America and still be on a highway, costs are typically high, thanks to the distance and scarcity of population. But with some digging, I've come up with lodging and three meals costing only $50.70 per person per day, sharing a double room.

Lodging

There are only 200 hotel rooms in all the Big Sur area, so pickings are slim. Except during winter, you might consider camping out when you get here. After all, that's what the whole region is about, getting back to nature in a meaningful manner. Should you decide you want to live in a tent or rustic cabin, check out the Big Sur Campground & Cabins, 26 miles south of Carmel on Route 1, phone 831/667-2322. In addition to empty sites, there are a few cabins, the tent variety costing only $12, the all-wood version going for $89 and up. The all-wood cabins have their own country-style furniture, woodburning ovens and complete kitchens, not to mention private patios.

The best-priced commercial lodging in the area is at the modest Ripplewood Resort, where there are cabins costing as little as $65 (double bed), $70 (queen), $75 (queen and double), up to $105 (queen and double, kitchen, deck, and fireplace). The cheaper cabins overlook the redwoods and the hills, while the more expensive are along the Big Sur River itself. All units have private bathroom with shower or tub. Just 27 miles south of Carmel, the resort is also the site of a wonderful cafe (breakfast and lunch only), a gas station (you can't imagine how helpful that is) and a grocery store (ditto). For reservations, phone 831/667-2242. Their Web site is www.ripplewoodresort.com.

The best little hotel in the region, in my opinion, is the Big Sur River Inn on Highway 1 at Pheneger Creek, Big Sur 93920. There are 20 rustic and cozy rooms with private baths ranging in price from $80 in winter, $90 in spring and fall to $100 in July and August. That's for a room with one queen bed. On weekends throughout the year, you pay the summer rate of $100. What's fun here is to sit in Adirondack chairs in the shallow river, dangling your feet in the water, and drinking a beer. Above the iris and calla lilies along the banks, on the lawn between river and hotel, people relax over their food, and a jazz band plays on weekend afternoons. A throwback to the 1930s, the River Inn was once known at the Apple Pie Inn, having started as a restaurant back in 1934. It has been run by the same family (Pfeiffer and Ewoldsen) ever since. Contact the Inn at 831/557-1700 or 800/548-3610, fax 831/667-2743, Web site www.bigsurriverinn.com.

You can have your adobe hacienda and not pay big bucks for it if you stay at Glen Oaks, in the Big Sur River valley. All rooms are in single story structures, and each has a private bath and walk-in shower. You also have a patio, surrounded by flowers in season and a view of the valley. There's a good restaurant on the premises, too (see listings on the next page). A queen bedroom here costs $89, queen and twin $94, two queens $99. You can have a whole cottage to yourself for $125, with a kitchen $140, beyond our price range but doable if you have four persons sharing the costs. Contact the Glen Oaks at 831/667-2105, Highway 1, Big Sur 93920.

Moderately priced during the winter (at $89), the rooms at the Big Sur Lodge rise precipitously during the rest of the year, so I can recommend it only in the November-March period, when the weather can be wonderful. There are 61 huge cottage style units, each with deck or balcony. Some units can sleep up to six persons. Nestled among the marvelous towering redwoods and oaks inside the Pfeiffer Big Sur State Park, these units are a perfect place to get away from the apparent world and enjoy the real realm of nature. There are no phones, TVs, radios, or alarm clocks. There is a restaurant on the grounds, as well as a general store, and a seasonal heated pool. They're on Highway 1 at Big Sur, 93920, phone 831/667-3100 or 800/424-4787, Web site www.bigsurlodge.com. Rates here include the admission fee not only to this park but also to four others in the immediate area. That, in turn, allows you free use of the parks, including hiking and firing up the barbecue if you feel like it.

Alternatively, if you are really into nature, and want to stay at a Catholic monastery where you get absolute peace and quiet, you might like the New Camaldoli Hermitage, about 25 miles south of Big Sur Village at Lucia, where rooms go for a suggested donation of $45. You usually need to book six months in advance here! You need not participate in the liturgical worship, but you may if you wish. All rooms are single occupancy, each with half bath and a personal garden overlooking the ocean. There is also a room with several showers and a common kitchen where you pick up your mostly vegetarian meals, to eat by yourself in the garden or room. If you want a retreat house trailer, these, too, are available, with a full bathroom (shower, not tub!), small refrigerator, small countertop gas burner, and a sun deck. Suggested donation is $55. To keep the place quiet for the Benedictine monks, you cannot use radios, typewriters, or musical instruments, nor can you bring a pet. Phone the monks at 831/667-2456. They ask that you phone them, not e-mail them (unless you live overseas). Their Web site, however, is www.contemplation.com.

Restaurants

This is the perfect place to have a picnic, down on the beach or up above, just looking at the coastline. You can stock up on everything you could possibly need at Big Sur Center Deli, located at the Post Office Center, phone 831/667-2225. Open daily from 8 AM to 8:30 PM, the deli has takeout selections of prepared food items for all three meals (including fresh pizza on Monday and Friday evenings), as well as a good selection of groceries, wine, beer, and soft drinks.

Big Sur River Inn, part of the hotel of the same name (see previous page), is a marvelously un-chic place, with quiet corners, tables out on the patio overlooking the river, or near the bar and its big sports-saturated TV screen. Breakfast starts at $5.75 for two eggs, hash browns, and toast; lunch menu items hover around $9.95 (the cheapest sandwich is $8.25), and dinner courses cost from $7.95 (omelets) through $8.95 (fish & chips) up to $17.95 for ribs. Open daily. Phone 831/667-2700.

At the Ripplewood Resort (see previous page), you can have two eggs with a potato casserole and a homemade muffin for just $5.75, or pay another dollar and have the same thing with sausage, bacon, or ham. At lunchtime, a grilled cheddar sandwich will set you back $4.50, a delicious grilled jack cheese and green chili one $5.75. All sandwiches (your choice of bread) come with tomatoes, sliced red onions, sliced pickles, lettuce, and mayonnaise, along side your choice of a green salad, marinated bean salad, or shoestring-cut french fries. They don't serve dinner. Phone 831/667-2242.

The Glen Oaks Restaurant is also part of the hotel of the same name (see previous page), with a copper fireplace and works of local artists, serving dinner only, open year round, but closed on Tuesdays. Dinner items start from $12.95 and range upward from there. Several entries on the otherwise standard menu are Asian inspired, and the pastas and bread are homemade. Wines from the California Central Coast are featured. Phone 831/667-2264 for reservations.

Deetjen's restaurant is in the hotel of the same name, with a cozy, country-inn feeling about the place. Two meals are served daily, with basic breakfasts at about $7.95, comfort-food dinner main courses from $12.95. Chicken with garlic is a local favorite. Phone the restaurant at 831/667-2377. The location is about 30 miles south of Carmel on Highway 1, Big Sur 93920.

Cafe Kevah is located just a level down from famed Nepenthe (see below) and owned by the same family. Its prices are slightly less than those up the stairs, a fajita dish costing 7.95, for instance. The view is almost as good that on the level above, but the ambiance is more utilitarian, the food (with several Mexican items on the menu) is as good, if not better. Since you'll be outside, even on a sunny day in fall, winter, or spring, be sure to bring a coat. In summer, never mind. The address is the same as Nepenthe, but the phone is 831/557-2344.

Nepenthe is not just a restaurant, but also the emotional center of Big Sur, almost since its beginnings back in 1949. It's at the top end of our price range for budgeters, but is well worth the visit. The ambiance is better than the high-priced and celebrated Ambrosiaburgers ($11.95), in fact. After you climb the long flights of stairs, you'll find the views magnificent. You may, if you are lucky, find seats at counters on the edge of the cliff, so that you look right out on the valley and ocean 808 feet below. This is the perfect place to have lunch, if only for the view. The restaurant, formerly owned by Orson Welles and Rita Hayworth, is a celeb favorite. Recent visitors include Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, as well as Bill Gates Jr., and Oakland mayor and former California governor Jerry Brown. Movie fans will want to know that Liz Taylor and Richard Burton frequented this restaurant a lot when they filmed Sandpiper in the neighborhood way back in 1962. Location: On California 1, 28 miles south of Carmel, phone 831/667-2345.

Sunday Brunch

If you make it as far as the Hearst Castle, at the southern end of Big Sur, you might enjoy the Sunday brunch at the San Simeon restaurant in town, costing $12.95 for adults, $5.95 for children under 12. You can eat as much as you want at the salad bar, waffle bar, or omelet bar, partaking of country biscuits and gravy, roast beef, seafood, beef Stroganoff, and the like with a glass of champagne, too. Phone 805/927-4604.

Dream Camper Floor Plan Contest

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Dream Camper Floor Plan Contest – Part 2 http://www.truckcampermagazine.com/news/dream-camper-floor-plan-contest-part-2/"> Dream Camper Floor Plan Contest – Part 2&BODY=I found this article interesting and thought of sharing it with you. Check it out: http://www.truckcampermagazine.com/news/dream-camper-floor-plan-contest-part-2/"> 12 more reader submitted dream floor plans including raw concepts, wild ideas, and subtle refinements.  And the winner of the first ever dream truck camper floor plan contest is… Just last week we visited a prominent truck camper manufacturer and the subject of our dream camper floor plan contest came up.  We talked with great excitement about the variety of ideas our readers were presenting, and encouraged them to study the plans when they debuted.  No, we didn’t give them a sneak peak.  It’s more fun to tease. None of the submitted designs, including mine, are anywhere near production ready.  That was never the intention or spirit of this contest, nor is it possible without delving into details like plumbing, electrical, and code compliance.

The true potential of this contest is to give truck camper users from around the United States, Canada, and the world the opportunity to directly inspire professional truck camper design teams.  You know, the folks responsible for the truck campers you see debut here on Truck Camper Magazine, at RV shows, and dealer lots?  This was your shot to show them your big idea, and possibly change the course of truck camper design history.

I know, crazy talk.  Then again, crazier things have happened.  I’m going to lobby the industry to take your designs and ideas seriously, as I do with our bi-annual truck camper survey coming up this fall.  Together, we will change the course of campers.

Far be it for us to determine who should win the best dream camper floor plan, except that’s exactly what we had to do.  This is, after all, a contest, and we are the big cheese, cheesette, and cheese-cat for this electron-only magazine.  After considerable review, and a tail gesture we interpreted as positive, we have a winner.

The winner of the first ever dream truck camper floor plan contest is…

Karl Pettitt, Elmhurst, Illinois – Winner

Above: Click to enlarge this floor plan and the others below to see them bigger.

Although I don’t currently own a truck camper, I would like to in the future.  I often think of what an ideal floor plan would be so this was a fun exercise.  I first did the layout in a program that was to scale.  The dimensions should be pretty accurate.

The floor length is 11-feet.  The total length is 19-feet, 9-inches.  The width is 8-feet.  It’s a single-slide, dry bath, flatbed model.

Although there are a few flatbed model campers on the market, I think there is a great deal of room for more.  Specifically, I think there is room for a larger model that takes full advantage of the ability to place the door anywhere.

To this end, I created a floor plan layout that places the door towards the front of the curb side of the camper.  This allows for greater flexibility in the placement of the bathroom, which I put across the entire rear of the camper.

The slide allows space for both a dinette and a small couch that can turn into a bed.  Placement of the kitchen towards the front, along with the heaviest components such as the fresh water tank, battery bank, and propane tanks, will help in keeping the center of gravity as close to the front as possible.

The placement of the entertainment center allows for viewing either on the main floor or the cabover.  There is overhead storage above the kitchen and couch that makes up for the lack of floor cabinets.  There is also ample windows allowing light in from either side of the camper as well as views.  I think this would make an ideal camper for a family with the potential to sleep up to six people without the use of a bunk.

#16 – David Miller, Branson, Missouri – Honorable Mention

My camper is designed with the premise that the most important things about a truck camper use are (1) the nice, soft, queen bed for sleeping, and (2) the nice bathroom for showering; not a wet bath.

The dining aspect needs less emphasis because, typically, the meals are simple and small.  In most cases, weather dependent, we eat outside at the picnic table.  Thus there is no need for a large dining table.

There is also no need to accommodate guests for sleeping.  If the grandkids are camping with us, they will sleep in a tent outside.  The concept of having the table convert to a bed is unnecessary, and a waste of space for us.

The attached drawing is for a non-slide design to fit a full-size short bed pickup.  I figure this camper will hang over the back of a 6’6” truck bed by approximately 27-inches.

Here are the wonderful features of my perfect truck camper:

It has a dry bath and shower.  This is extremely important.

The dining area has been reduced in size to only seat two adults.  The table is curved and the back of the seat cushion is curved to give the feeling and seating of a corner booth in a restaurant.  The only slight difficulty is that the person who sits down first will have to slide in and cannot get back out until the other person stands up, but, that is just like a corner booth in a restaurant and won’t be too much of a hassle.

There is a closet on both sides of the bed in addition to the foot lockers.  The television is mounted above the table, on the wall of the dry shower.

As you can see, the bed and the dry shower get the most emphasis, and the dining facilities are minimized.  It’s the perfect camper for two adults who want to shower every day after a good nights sleep.

#17 – Jake Schultz, Washington – Honorable Mention

A Folding Camper for the Ford Ranger

This camper is designed to be less than 780 pounds to work within the payload limit of a Ford Ranger.  It’s also designed to be 64-inches wide, with a maximum travel height of 82-inches.  These dimensions allow the camper to fit into a standard 84-inch garage in the folded configuration.

The camper features a full stand-up heigh interior of 76-inches, as shown.  A sun-dome could be added for an additional three-inches of interior height.

The camper has a double-pivot folding hard wall roof and sides with an open and panoramic cabin.

The camper can be used in one of four configurations:

1. Wide open with magnificent panoramic views to the aft sides and back.

2. Open to the aft sides and back, with screen netting in place.

3. Polycarbonate window panels in place (inboard of netting) for inclement weather.

4. Window panels in place and privacy curtains on the interior.

There would be comfortable seating for two at the dinette with the cushions angled slightly inward to account for the wheel well.

The camper would feature a modified full-size bed available at all times.  There would be a 24-inch cabinet for hanging clothes under the foot of the bed.

To save weight, the roof would be built for structure and snow loads only, not to stand on. The floor would be to stand on only if the camper is on the ground or in the bed of the truck, again to save weight.

There would be no jack stands.  The camper is suspended from the owner’s home garage root trusses to remove and store.

There would be an ice chest under one seat and Porta-Potti under the other.  There would be no refrigeration systems or black water tank.

All systems are in one four-foot module along the right side for minimum weight and system run lengths.  The module contains the propane tank, propane heater, two-burner stove, sink, fresh water tank, grey water tank, battery, converter, inverter, and small item storage.

#18 – Mark Larson, Phoenix, Arizona – Honorable Mention

This is my drawing for one of my dream campers.  Please excuse the poor scale on the toilet, lavatory, and kitchen sink.

I know this would be better as a flatbed model because of the side aisle going to the cabover and the location of the shower.  It could also be an above the bed rail model.  I’m with you wanting a camper with no slide outs.  You had a great design of your own.

#19 – Kari Miller, Branson, Missouri – Honorable Mention

My truck camper is the best design ever.  Here are the great features:

1. There is actually a solid wall between the over cab bedroom and the rest of the camper.  This creates total privacy, similar to a fifth wheel with an isolated separate bedroom.

2. The step to the bedroom is offset so there is not direct line of sight into the private bedroom.

3. There is room at the foot of the queen-size bed to access the closet and a real two-drawer dresser, which is what is needed for storing clothes in a camper.

4. A narrow, but deep and tall closet is behind the refrigerator is accessed from the step.

5. Instead of wasting room on a full table top and a table that converts to an unnecessary bed, this camper has a bar top for dining.  The seating consists of two bar stools which can be clamped down for traveling.  People spend many hours sitting on a bar stool so, obviously, these would be comfortable.  Plus, for most eating situations, people will either sit outside at the picnic table, or go out to eat at a restaurant.  There is a big window over the bar top so it would be pleasant sitting.

6. There is a slide-out pantry between the bar top and the range

7. The bathroom has a dry shower, which is important.

8. This camper should fit in a full-size short-bed pickup.  There are no slides, and it is
hard-sided.

#20 – Mike Cianci, Loveland, Colorado

Here’s my plan.  It’s fairly basic.  I chose a wet bath because it’s easier to clean.  Put it in the forward section near the wardrobe with a privacy curtain so nobody has to see your business.  And it’s easier to keep the bed/bath/dressing area cleaner.

I chose wardrobes with shelves or drawers which is more practical than hanging closets.  Who is bringing their tux and ball gown while truck camping?  There are overhead bins throughout where practical.

There would be LED lights, two batteries on a movable tray, and a small solar setup.  Only simple shades are necessary; no cornice, or valance boxes around the windows.

There would be 12-volt and 110 AC throughout, two Fantastic fans – one in the bedroom and kitchen – and an air conditioner   There would be a full-size skylight/dome in the bath with a side wall exhaust vent.

The sofa could be a jack knife-style, or have storage underneath.  And it would have two pull-out tray tables mounted in or adjacent to the armrest.  Plus it would pivot for easy egress from the sofa while eating or using computer, similar to tray tables on airliners in first class.

The television would be on standard pivot for bedroom and living room viewing, and would recess in a cabinet above the slide out pantry.  The rear exit door would have a platform deck for easy entry/egress.

#21 – Kevin Pinassi, New York, New York

#22 – John Wells, Hollidaysburg, Pennsylvania

My design is a modification of the Chalet Ascent S100F, a limited production model (six total!) that Chalet discontinued to pursue production of their more profitable double and triple-slide models.  We love ours because it is completely usable with the slide in or out.

It has huge floorspace when the slide is out for entertaining friends and for ladies to dress in Civil War hoops (don’t ask).  The front bath allows a full height pleated curtain immediately behind the dinette to be drawn across to create a dressing room with access to bath, bed, and wardrobe.

There are no appliances in the slide, minimizing slide-out weight, and wear and tear on electrical and gas connections while maximizing efficiency of the refrigerator.  While we love our camper, please allow me to debut … drum roll… The Wellspring S110F.

My modifications to Chalet’s original design are as follows:

There would be 10-inches of increased length in the main cabin.  On the slide-out side, this extra wall space at the junction of the overcab and cabin strengthens the exterior at the crucial front corner tie-down.  We have already noticed flexing at this point and have taken steps to greatly reinforce this important structural location.  On the kitchen side, this extra 10-inches allows an increase in much-needed counter space, as well as under and over cabinetry.

I would also add about four to five inches to the side-to-side width of the wet bath.  The wardrobe doors and bathroom door would still function even with the slide in.

Additionally, I’d add half-penguin cabinets to the night stands at either side of the bed in the nose of the overcab.  These units would be open-shelved on the sides, half-depth and about 3/4 height, with a small rail or lip on the shelves and top edge to keep books, phones, clock, etc from falling out during travel.

I’d also add a three drawer cabinet with open top shelf and top rail at the foot of the bed on the bathroom side.  I’ve avoided the side hampers as I feel they add significantly to the difficulty of changing the bedclothes, though they could be added quite easily as an option.

#23 – Bob Dold, Monson, Massachusetts

Attached is my submission for the dream floor plan contest.  It is based off an EarthRoamer layout modified with a fore/aft dinette and an undercover slide-out compressor refrigerator chest.  I chose the slide-out compressor fridge since they are more efficient than a three-way refrigerator, and it allows for additional counter space.

One of my favorite features of the EarthRoamer plan is how the closet and bathroom doors can be opened and secured to provide a changing area outside the wet bath with access to the closet.  The wet bath has a wooded floor grate to provide a cleaner surface for the bath when the shower isn’t being used.

Access to the toilet cassette is through the rear storage door which drops down and can be used as a counter when cooking outside.  Another door above the horizontal door to the left of the spare tire can be used to store chairs and other lighter items out of the weather.

I prefer the side entry design as it allows the entire back wall to be used for storage and it allows access to the camper from the curbside when parked without having to remove bikes/trailers from the back of the camper.

The pantry to the left of the closet would be a bank of drawers with a window air conditioner unit above to provide for cool air without the expense and height of a roof mounted unit.  The dinette would be a little under three feet wide and can convert to a single bed if needed.

Large awning windows on either side provide lots of light and views with storage cabinets above them (not shown).  The overcab queen bed runs north/south to allow for getting out of bed without having to climb over your significant other, and has windows on both sides along with a skylight/Fantastic fan for good ventilation while sleeping.

Another feature I don’t see included on many campers any more is a pass through.  I would like the ability to stealth camp and having the pass through allows one to enter and exit the camper without having to go outside.

#24 – Floyd Schotel, Williams Lake, British Columbia

I’ve been dreaming up my ideal truck camper for a little while now, so you’re design contest is a great opportunity to share my napkin sketches!

For fuel efficiency, handling, and stealthiness, my ideal truck camper would be a low profile pop-up design to fit a 6.5-foot bed, full-size pickup.

The camper body extends past the bumper, dropping down for a low step-in side door.  Inside steps lead to the floor height.  This way the back of the camper is open to mount bikes, fuel, spares etc.  Also, the side door is a natural access to the curb or side picnic area.

Most of the windows are in the soft sides of the pop-up.  That way the camper will be more secure when in the locked down position.  In fact, the camper may look more like a service truck than a camper when in travel mode.

I’d keep the camper as small and tight to the truck as possible.  To keep things simple, I can do without a toilet/black tank, but a collapsable shower would be nice.

This camper is designed for boondocking and overland excursions as well as urban stealth camping.  I love the idea of taking my bed and a hot shower with me in a compact camper for a road trip.  No need to stress about finding a hotel, and a meal can be fixed anywhere, pronto!

#25 – Glenn Yauney, Milwaukie, Oregon

Here is an idea of a dream truck camper floor plan.   We started with the floor plan of a 1140 Arctic Fox.   We added a rear slide-out and side entry.

We would prefer a camper with both a rear and a side slide-out.  When towing a trailer, a rear door entry is awkward, thus we prefer a side entry into the camper rather than a rear entry design.   We added a large closet in the rear slide-out opposite the entry door for boots, outdoor clothes, etc.

Storage space is also at a premium, so I propose one that has both ample wardrobe closets and storage space equipped with larger drawers.  You can’t have too much storage space.

Exterior storage isn’t shown, but basement and exterior storage are also a must.

#26 – TJ and Kelly Kretschmar, Kansas City, Kansas

I am a mechanical engineer and have the ability to convert .pdf’s to CAD.  The Unimog part of the drawing can be found in the technical manual from Mercedes Benz website.  I printed the drawing to .pdf, then converted it to CAD.  I then printed the drawing for the Pangea concept and converted the drawing to CAD.

The reason I choose to draw this concept in CAD was to see if it was physically possible to put a garage bay in an expedition vehicle, and to incorporate my own ideas into the same space that would fit on a Unimog chassis with a single rear axle.

I deleted the interior of the lower living area so I could insert my own concept.  The items that I used from the original GXV drawing are the exterior walls, entry door, cassette toilet, and spare tires.  The loft area and access stairway is also GXV’s design, only with one bed instead of the two indicated in their drawing.

I used the Unimog drawing to make sure the entry door, center of gravity, and departure angle were going to work with the design.

We like the Pangea Lifting roof on a Unimog concept, but wanted it to double as a toy hauler.  We put one bed in the loft area to give the dinette area a sense of a vaulted ceiling.  The unit can be used in the down position for extreme cold weather.  The garage door folds down allowing access to spare tires.  The ATV slide out is similar to a Tommy Lift gate.

The camper would be able to detach with its own hydraulic jacks and allow for the installation of a dump bed.

This, of course, is just a dream.  For now our 1994 Hallmark Ute and 2006 Nissan Titan will have to suffice.

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Star-studded Santorini, the perfect honeymoon destination

Read article : Star-studded Santorini, the perfect honeymoon destination

Angelina Jolie reportedly bought a house with her ex-husband Brad Pitt on the island after falling in love with Santorini during the filming of Tomb Raider. Justin Bieber recorded a music video there recently. Even the Kardashians took a break from swanning around LA to jet across the Atlantic and film an episode of their reality television show on the island.

So what better honeymoon destination could you ask for if you are looking for a mix of glamour and relaxation after months of stressful wedding preparation? And that's exactly where my wife and I went, to take a break from reality and pretend we could afford to live it up like Brad and Angelina on a volcanic caldera in the Aegean Sea.

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Getting to Santorini, or even Greece for that matter, during the off-season is not straightforward. There are no daily direct flights to Athens and a stopover is necessary along the way. So to break up the air travel we decided to stay four nights in the Greek capital to take in the sites and sounds the historic city.

We checked into the five-star Royal Olympic Hotel which is one of the most luxurious and central hotels in Athens. The hotel lobby alone is a masterclass in stately opulence. Large replica statues of Greek goddesses nestle in between classic leather sofas and giant vases. If it is a business trip destination you're after, the hotel has 18 recently refurbished meeting rooms and each is renovated according to a theme nodding to the city's rich history.

You are doing yourself a disservice if you don't book into one of the hotel's panoramic rooms at the front of the building. Luxurious double rooms feature electronic curtains which can be drawn with the flick of a switch to reveal spectacular views of the Temple of Olympian Zeus and the Arch of Hadrian. Even more awe-inspiring are the views of the pinnacle of Greek architect - the Acropolis - from the Royal Olympic Hotel's rooftop garden restaurant. The view is only enhanced by the massive spread laid on by staff for the buffet breakfast, which features local delicacies and international favourites.

The rooftop restaurant is the perfect setting for a candle-lit dinner where you can tuck into high-end Greek dishes as the floodlit Acropolis looms over on the hotel. The hotel also has a pool bar and lounge which are the perfect settings for cocktails when the city heat gets too much.

Of course, the Acropolis should not only be enjoyed from the distance and a trek up the historic hilltop is an essential pilgrimage for any tourist. Signing up to one of the local tours is a good idea as the level of signage on the ancient citadel is limited.

Another must-see site is the Panathenaic Stadium, which is less than 15 minutes' walk from the hotel. The stadium is built entirely of marble and was the setting of the first modern Olympic Games in 1896.

The city is full of restaurants and cafes where a well-earned beer and local tapas can be devoured to break up the sightseeing. Every corner of the Plaka area of the city serves up fresh salads, fish and meats which can be washed down with a cold Mythos beer. The streets leading to Syntagma Square are also littered with restaurants of all price ranges. Fashion bargains are available a short walk from the square at the Monastiraki flea market, but, as always, beware of pickpockets. After four nights in Athens, we took the 30-minute flight to Santorini where we were collected from the airport by a representative from the Athina Luxury Suites company. After a short drive we arrived at the boutique clifftop resort in Santorini's capital Fira.

The first thing you notice in Fira are the steps. There are hundreds of them, winding up and down between the hotels and guesthouses sitting on the caldera cliff face. The second thing you notice is the donkey dung. Due to the lack of access for cars, donkeys are used as taxis for tourists and transport for construction workers.

Athina Luxury Suites is a small family-run business but the resort rolls out the sort of luxury you would expect from an international hotel company. Athina's staff (with particular mention going to key members Sarah, Lulu and Christopher, and of course the boss Panos) go above and beyond to ensure you are enjoying your stay. If you're looking for guidance on restaurants or attractions, the Athina staff won't steer you wrong.

For the first three nights we stayed in the honeymoon suite, which not only has a private jacuzzi on the balcony but also a steam room in the bedroom. A complementary bottle of Champagne sitting in an ice bucket was popped soon after our arrival.

After three nights in the honeymoon suite we were promoted to the royal suite. This luxury suite is a two-bedroom, three-bathroom villa, complete with marble staircase and heated balcony jacuzzi big enough to fit 10 people. There are three flat screen televisions, a full-size marble statue of the Greek goddess Athena, and enough room to host a dinner party for a dozen guests.

Fresh breakfast is served on the balcony every morning and the choices are endless. You can also have lunch or drinks by the pool in the evenings to watch the sunsets.

Santorini is not cheap and the average price of dinner is not far off what you might pay in Dublin. Seafood is the local speciality but most restaurants also serve up traditional Greek favourites such as souvlaki and gyros. On the main square there are some great little restaurants with plenty of outdoor seating. Ellinikon is worth checking out for the seabream alone. There are also some lively fast-food joints.

A little further up the road, the recently renovated Kokkalo provides a modern Greek twist on the typical US steakhouse restaurant. Falafel Land, which is tucked behind the square, is also a hidden gem for ideally-priced grub. Outside Fira, Mario's fish restaurant, which is located near the airport, served up the best meal of the trip.

Nightlife doesn't end after dinner in Fira, it only gets started. In early April, the party scene was only kicking off but there was a smattering of nightclubs and pubs luring in tourists with offers of cheap cocktails. The most popular is the Two Brothers Bar, where punters are offered free shots if they allow the barmen to whack them over the head with a stick. They give you a helmet to wear but they don't hold back when they hit you. Still, a free shot is a free shot. Locally brewed craft beer Crazy Donkey is difficult to find but if you do come across it, you should definitely try a bottle.

To really see Santorini, you need to rent a car. The island is small but public transport isn't great and most sights are only 20 minutes' drive away. You can zip around the coastal roads taking in views of the cliffs and the other volcanic islands sitting in the Aegean Sea.

It is worth driving south to Akrotiri to see the archaeological site of the first city on the island which dates back to 3,000BC. The nearby red beach is also worth a look. There's also a tomato factory museum if that's your thing.

The most northern tip of the island is the town of Oia where holidaymakers gather every evening to watch the bright red Greek sun disappear into the Aegean Sea. An all-day boat tour - drink and barbecue included - are also a popular way to see the island's spectacular coastline. With the sun beating down from the heavens there really is no better way to see Santorini. The catamaran cruises also end by harbouring in Oia to watch the sunset.

A week is the perfect amount of time to spend on this beautiful island, giving you a chance to lie on the beach or by the pool, as well as see the many sights. All in all, Santorini is the perfect honeymoon destination.

Top attractions

Sunset in Oia

Take an all-day catamaran cruise to Santorini’s most northern town, Oia, or drive, and find a perch along the historic walls to watch a spectacular sunset on the Aegean Sea.

Panathenaic Stadium

The first modern Olympic stadium can sometimes be overlooked by tourists but the sheer vastness of the entirely marble sports ground and its fascinating museum make it a must-see.

Getting there

Philip stayed in:

Royal Olympic Hotel

This five-star hotel is in the centre of Athens and a short walk from all the main attractions. Rooms range from around €180 per night for an executive room, to €625 for a suite. Athenian panorama rooms start from €345 per night.

www.royalolympic.com

Athina Luxury Suites

This five-star boutique hotel is on the caldera cliff-face in Santorini’s capital Fira.

Summer rates for junior suites start from €427 per night. The honeymoon suite is €769 per night and the royal suite costs around €1,282 during peak season.

www.athinasuites.com

L. A. ADVenture Rides | Page 1675

Read article : L. A. ADVenture Rides | Page 1675

Timthai said: ↑

Took the 500EXC up to Gorman Saturday morning for the first time... I love it!
The thing pulls like a train... perfect companion to the GS because they both deliver power in much the same way.
The only thing I noticed was how tall 1st is on tight technical stuff...
Time to start playing with gearing a little... 14/50 might be the place to go from the stock 15/45 (I think). Any suggestions?

Click to expand...

Just replace the front sprocket with a 14 for a start. When I was serious into singletrack riding I had a two setups, one for forest and one for desert. Neither one works very well for the other.

rider914 said: ↑

I am OK with Owl. Pass thru the area often, but haven't stopped or stayed at that campground in years.

+1
Lots of random OHV trails just over the hill to the north, but I don't think there is any legal green-sticker access direct to the campground. In some ways, that is a good thing.

Someone mentioned before that the toy-haulers park off of Copper City Rd. Might be lots of them just after Xmas.

I have never explored the Calico Mtns area and would probly head off in that direction

No idea where to go shootin', not my thing, but I expect there are plenty of plinkers in Barstow so shouldn't be hard to find a spot.

-M

Click to expand...

Calico has some fun stuff to see, lots of history there. Be sure to visit Bismark Mine and the Wall Street overlook - either top or bottom. Bottom is kinda cool, a very deep canyon. You can find the place where the 800' ladder went up a cliff, and the old miners would climb it after hanging out a the saloon in town. It's been awhile so I don't know if you can still crawl through Bismark, it was quite a long tunnel that would come up a quarter mile down the mountain.

For shooting there are some excellent group camp 'bowls' out Mule Canyon Road. Great place to camp as well. It's all SBD county land out there, BLM, so anywhere safe is fine for target shooting.

We did a few trips up the both riding and jeeping, there's lots to offer. BTW, the ghost town night tour is also very cool. The campground is nice if you RV it there and want to ride or 4x4 it out for the day. Mule Canyon road is 4x4 high clearance - however there are closer camping/staging areas.

For some entertainment watch jeepers trying to run Odessa Canyon - they'll happily destroy their rigs trying to get through it.

Y'all keep in mind it's winter up there, temps below freezing at night and maybe50's in the day. It's an unusual year for weather for sure.

If I go out at all it will be south, Anza area. Other things are getting in the way.

Happy holidays!

‘Twin Peaks: The Return’ Episode 14 – “We Are Like the Dreamer”

Read article : ‘Twin Peaks: The Return’ Episode 14 – “We Are Like the Dreamer”

An episode of connections.We’re so close to the end I can taste it, but I can’t identify the flavor. With only five episodes before the conclusion, whatever that may be, the plot is still ramping upwards. This week’s episode was, for lack of a better word, PERFECT. It had the artistry of episode 8 and more meaningful narrative clues than any other episode this season and maybe in the entire series. I almost fainted at least four times during the episode, which it took me 90 minutes to get through because I kept having to pause and process. Deep breath, Peakies, here we go:The story continues in Buckhorn, South Dakota, with Gordon Cole making a phone call to an old acquaintance: Lucy in Twin Peaks. After a brief catch-up, Lucy connects Cole to Sheriff Truman, whose call he’s returning. Cole thinks he’s getting Harry, but it’s Frank, who shares his brother’s condition with Cole, then goes on to bring the director up to speed on the missing pages from Laura Palmer’s diary Hawk found hidden in the station bathroom which seem to suggest there are two Coopers. Frank thought Cole might want to know this, even if the Sheriff doesn’t know what it all means. Cole can’t comment but to thank him.Elsewhere in Buckhorn, Albert is sharing the details of Blue Rose Task Force case #1, the one that “started this whole thing,” with new recruit Tammy Preston. In 1975, he says, two young agents were sent to investigate a murder in Olympia, Washington. The agents arrived to arrest the suspect, one Lois Duffy, at a motel, but before they could apprehend her, they heard a gunshot from her room so busted in and found not one but two women there, one dying from a gunshot wound, and one holding a gun. Lois was the wounded one, and shared with them her last words: “I’m like the blue rose.” Then Albert says, almost like an incantation, “She smiles, she dies, then disappears before their eyes.” The other woman, the one holding the gun who’s screaming her head off now, is also Lois Duffy. Not a twin – they checked – but another Lois. This Lois goes to trial for murdering the other Lois, which she swears she didn’t do, but before the verdict comes in, the living Lois hangs herself. Now Albert reveals the names of the two young investigating agents – Gordon Cole and Phillip Jeffries – and asks Tammy what’s the one question she should be asking back? She knows: what’s the significance of the blue rose? The same question Sam Stanley (Kiefer Sutherland) asked Chet Desmond (Chris Isaak) in Fire Walk With Me but Desmond didn’t answer. Albert asks if Tammy also knows the answer. She says a blue rose doesn’t occur in nature, like Lois’ disappearing death, it’s a conjured thing, “a tulpa,” which is a Buddhist term for a concept in mysticism of a being or object which is created through sheer spiritual or mental discipline. It’s also translated as “magical emanation,” “conjured thing,” or “phantom.” Sounds to me like a dream made real, something one imagines and then somehow translates out of imagination.Courtesy ShowtimeCole interrupts to let them know Diane’s on her way. Sure enough, she enters and immediately lights up. Cole asks her about the last night she saw Cooper, not in the prison but at her apartment in Philly all those years ago; he wants to know if Cooper mentioned Garland Briggs. Diane doesn’t want to talk about that night – we remember an insinuation of sexual assault – but Cole persists. Diane says Cooper did mention Briggs. Albert takes over and brings her up to speed on the Briggs case, how he died, or was supposed to have died, and how he really died. He also reveals what they found in Briggs’ stomach, the wedding band inscribed to Dougie from Janey-E. Diane seems to know what this means, and then drops the biggest connective bomb of the entire third season so far: she has a half-sister named Janey who’s married to a man named Douglas Jones; everybody calls him Dougie, and her Janey-E. Last she heard they lived in Vegas, but she doesn’t know for sure, she and Janey are estranged, or, more specifically, Diane hates her. They haven’t spoken in years, and it would seem like Diane has never even seen this Dougie, as he looks exactly like Cooper (at least to us, and to him. We’ve seen him seeing his reflection in a mirror, but I don’t think we’ve seen a picture of Dougie to this point. He could look like someone else to the world). Cole jumps off her recollection and has Tammy get the Las Vegas FBI branch on the horn. He tells the agent, Randall Headley, to get him everything they have on Dougie and Janey-E, pronto. Cole then thanks Diane, dismissing her. Cole shares what he learned from Frank Truman with Albert and Tammy, as well as the fact that last night he had another Monica Bellucci dream, referencing the actual, beautiful Italian actress of such films as Irreversible and Matrix Revolutions: he was in Paris on a case when Monica called and asked to meet him at a certain café, she had something to tell him.The picture shifts to black-and-white, the scene to a Parisian café. Monica and Cole meet, and Cole says Cooper was there, only he couldn’t see Dale’s face. Monica was very pleasant and she’d brought friends, a man and a woman. They all had coffee. We see Monica shed a single tear, then she recites what Cole calls “the ancient phrase:” “we are like the dreamer, who dreams and then lives inside the dream.” Why do I feel like Lynch just gave away the whole shebang right there? Cole told Monica he understood, and then she asked a question for her coda, the same question we were all thinking after what she just said: “Who is the dreamer?” Any guesses? I’ll save my speculation for the end of the recap. In the dream, Cole says a very powerful and uneasy feeling came over him. He says Monica directed him to look at something over his shoulder, where Cole saw himself from long ago. What he’s seeing is the scene from Fire Walk With Me when Coop comes in to tell him about a dream he had, the 10:10 February 16^th dream. Is the implication that we’re all in Coop’s dream? Which Coop, though? This, of course, is the infamous Phillip Jeffries scene, and right now I’m sweating I’m so excited. Sure enough, we see Jeffries (David Bowie, to whom the episode is dedicated), specifically, the part of the scene where he points at Coop and asks “who do you think this is, there?” For a quarter-century Twin Peaks fans have been debating this one facet of the scene, and now it feels like a revelation is on the horizon. What kind of Moebius strip are Lynch and Frost plotting? And which Coop was in Philly, then, bad posing as good? Conundrums on top of conundrums. Cole had forgotten about all this until just now, as had Albert, but now they’re both remembering it, and recognizing its significance.In Twin Peaks, Andy, Hawk and Bobby are setting up lunch, but it’s really just a sting to arrest Chad for his part in the Chinese designer drug traffic.A fog settles over Ghostwood Forest and Frank, Hawk, Andy and Bobby are now preparing to ascend the mountain to reach the coordinates left by Major Briggs. Electrical wires hum tellingly overhead: there’s power in the air. They start off. Shades of Coop, Harry, Doc Hayward, and Hawk hiking up to Jacques Renault’s cabin in the original series; I’m hoping for a character-fan shot or a Log Lady run-in, but get neither. Our foursome arrives at the site of what’s left of the station where the Major worked and was “killed.” Bobby went inside the place a couple times when he was younger but doesn’t know what his dad did there, it was all classified. He just remembers a bunch of machines. There is one spot on the property Bobby knows all about, though, Jack Rabbit’s Palace, basically an old tree stump, but to Bobby it was a father-son bonding place where he and the Major traded tall tales. It’s also the starting point of the Major’s directions. They put soil in their pockets as per his instructions, then Bobby mentions a cautionary memory: his dad always told him never to wander around here without him. I bet they all wish the good Major was there now. They press on until they round a corner and find a cloud, fog, steam, mist, smoke, or something of the sort, but very localized, covering just one spot. Light flashes, crackles more like it, from an unknown source. Then the smoke or whatever clears and we recognize the locale: Glastonbury Grove, Twin Peaks’ entrance to The Black Lodge. The circle of 12 sycamore trees, the ring of stones holding a puddle of scorched oil, it’s all there. And so is a body, female, naked. They turn her over. It’s the eyeless woman from the inside of the tower overlooking the purple ocean, the woman who led good Coop to the cube in space then fell into the cosmos right after turning on an electrical devise (like the one in the Dutchman’s quarters that triggered the belching of the Laura bubble in episode 8), and right before we saw the floating head of Major Briggs. Naido is her name according to the credits, and she is alive. She is trying to speak but her words are that same scrambled whisper-echo from the last time we saw her, thus indecipherable. Frank looks at his watch and confirm it is now 2:53, the time the Major’s instructions said they were supposed to be there. Right on time, another vortex – like the one Cole experienced in Buckhorn outside the abandoned house where they found the body of Ruth Davenport with the Twin Peaks coordinates on her arm, these coordinates, most likely – opens in the sky. This time they all see it, and it seems to cause Naido pain. Andy, who is holding her hand, drops it, hypnotized by the vortex, and stands. It’s like something is calling him. Light envelops him and he blinks out of the scene, only to reappear a second later in the Dutchman’s quarters. The Dutchman approaches and sits opposite Andy, just as he did Cooper in the season three premiere.“I am the Fireman,” the Dutchman says, and raises his right hand. Andy is holding something now, like a large rose made of paper, very angular and with a spout in its center that spits smoke into the air. This smoke is sucked away through a skylight or something like it, a large, domed, lit circle. Andy looks at this, his concentration slipping into it. It goes dark. We see the box monster (billed in the credits as The Experiment), the mucus strand it regurgitated that birthed BOB, the convenience store, the Woodsmen milling about it – essentially all we were shown in episode 8, including “Gotta light?” guy. Then scenes from the original series: the unknown student running across the TPHS quad upon learning of the death of Laura Palmer, the curtains of the Lodge, Laura’s homecoming photo flanked by reflections of an angel, I assume the same angel who came to Laura at the end of Fire Walk With Me. Then Naido, unresponsive on the ground. Then the two Coops, good and bad, side-by-side. Then a ringing phone, Andy and Lucy in the Sheriff’s station, everything trembling. He’s showing her something, Lucy, but we don’t see what. Naido again, trying to speak. Then the 6 on the telephone pole from Fat Trout Trailer Park by which long ago Teresa Banks’ trailer parked, the pole by which, presently, I think Becky, Shelly’s daughter, might park her trailer. Then the message is over.Courtesy ShowtimeAndy blinks out of the Lodge and back to Jack Rabbit’s Palace, where the others are waiting for him (because of the soil in their pockets, I think, it’s a metaphysical anchor that tethers them to reality). In his arms Andy holds Naido. They have to get her down the mountain, he tells the others, as she’s very important and there are people who want her dead. She’s fine physically, he says, but needs to be in a cell for her safety. He tells them to say not a word to anyone. They don’t object. In an aside, Frank asks Hawk what happened to them out there, but neither can remember.Courtesy ShowtimeIn a cell at the station, Lucy helps Naido into some spare pajamas. Chad heckles Andy from his own cell nearby, but gets an earful from the Deputy for his thoughts. A drunk in another cell with a busted mouth parrots their conversation. In her cell after Andy and Lucy leave, Naido feels the air and makes her strange sounds, which the drunk also imitates. This drives Chad bonkers, but he deserves it. The drunk bleeds profusely from his mouth.Across town at The Great Northern, a pair of security guards are on break. One of them is James Hurley, who mentions they have one more job then they can hit The Road House. The other guard, Freddie Sykes, a young Brit who has a glove on his right hand that makes it difficult to crack nuts, knows James just wants to see Renee – the girl who cried tears of joy while watching him sing last week – then adds this interesting tidbit: Renee’s married. What is it with James and unavailable women? Laura was with Bobby when she and James were together, Donna was technically with Mike Nelson when James moved on to her, Evelyn Marsh was married when they had their tryst, and now Renee too is bound in the eyes of god to another man. Get a new type, dude, for your own safety. And side-note: “Freddie Sykes” is the name of the one-armed man, the true killer, in The Fugitive movie (in the TV show the one-armed man was called Fred Johnson); this is not the only such reference in Twin Peaks – the human name of MIKE, the one-armed man of Twin Peaks, is Philip Gerard, which is the same name as the detective in The FugitiveTV series (Sam Gerard in the movie). Coincidence? Not bloody likely, especially since Freddie, like MIKE, has a limb issue. James mentions today’s his birthday, then changes the subject by asking about Freddie’s glove. Freddie says he can’t take it off, he tried once but bled like crazy, it’s a part of him. James asks where he got it, but Freddie isn’t supposed to tell, he doesn’t think James will believe him. James convinces him otherwise. Freddie was living in London six months ago. After a night in the pub he’s walking home alone and turns into an alley. He gets a peculiar feeling like he’s wasting his life, out drinking when he should be helping people. Then, for some reason, he jumped onto a high stack of boxes and above him a vortex opened. A Lodge vortex, sounds like, especially when Freddie says the vortex sucked him up and put him in front of a fella called himself “the Fireman.” The Fireman tells him: “Go to the hardware store near your flat and there you’ll find a rack of green gardening gloves. One pair will already be open, with only a right-handed glove inside. Purchase that package and place that glove on your right hand. That hand will now possess the power of an enormous pile driver,” and then poof! He was back at home. Freddie did as he was told, found what he was supposed to find, but the hardware store clerk didn’t want to sell it to him since the package was open. Freddie insisted, but the clerk held firm. Freddie tossed the cash on the counter and headed for the door, putting on the glove as he went. The clerk attacked him and in defense Freddie popped him with his gloved hand. It almost killed the clerk, and in the moment Freddie remembered one more thing the Fireman told him: “Once you put the glove on, go to Twin Peaks, Washington, in the United States of America, and there you will find your destiny.” So here he is. James, and I, am flabbergasted. He wants to know why Freddie thinks the Fireman chose him, a question Freddy asked the Fireman. The answer: “Why not you?” Furthermore, when he went to buy a ticket to America, he was told he already had one. It was all arranged. Help me out here, gang – what’s a word that means painfully curious?James goes to check the furnace in the boiler room, the last job of the night. It’s predictably creep AF, and it has me thinking of the boiler room in which BOB revealed himself and his intentions at the end of the international pilot back in 1989. The whole place is throbbing with power, with electricity. But nothing happens, nothing we see, at least, only a bit of attention on a closed door.Cut to Elk’s Point #9 Bar. A figure walking towards it in the dark, smoking. Shades of a Woodsman. It’s Sarah Palmer. She enters the bar and bellies up, orders a Bloody Mary. Seems like foreshadowing to me. At the end of the bar there’s a man with a ponytail and a ball cap nursing a shot and a beer. He notices Sarah. Doesn’t seem like a good notice. He pounds the rest of his shot and approaches. “Truck You,” his shirt says, so you know he’s classy. Turns out he means to hit on Sarah, but she wants to be left alone. Truck You has a hard time taking a hint, and in fact he’s a rude prick. Offensively rude. He tells her she eats cunt. She says she’ll eat him. He finds this funny; I realllllly don’t think he should. Sarah is too calm, scary-calm, dangerous-calm. Truck You threatens physical violence, and then the shit hits the fan. Sarah TAKES OFF HER FUCKING FACE, just like Laura did in the premiere, but where there was light behind Laura’s face, behind Sarah’s there is murky darkness and a bony hand, fingers splayed. In a crackling voice Sarah asks Truck You, “Do you really want to fuck with this?” Hell-to-the-fuck-no, sir, you do not. But it’s too late. She bites his throat out, then screams and acts like she doesn’t know what happened. The bartender naturally questions this. The cops are called. Sarah is unconcerned. Or should I call her BOB?Courtesy ShowtimeThen we’re at The Road House at a table with yet two more lovely young ladies, Sophie (Emily Stofle) and Megan (Shane Lynch, but not related to David; she is, however, the daughter of actress Kelly Lynch). They’re talking about how Megan’s been hanging out at what Sophie calls a “nuthouse” getting high, which Megan denies, explaining she only gets high at home. Then another connective tissue. Sophie asks Megan if she’s seen Billy, Audrey’s Billy. Megan hasn’t, not for a few days. Seems like the running answer around town. Sophie heard Megan was among the last to see him. It’s true. Megan was in the kitchen with her mom and maybe her uncle, and they saw Billy jump a six-foot fence into their yard, running like he was being chased. He busted into their kitchen with blood coming out of his nose and mouth. Everyone started screaming, natch. Billy hung his head in the sink, then turned to look at them, then ran out the back. Sophie can’t believe they didn’t tell anyone, but Megan wants to know what were they supposed to tell? She says she knows Billy and her mom had a thing, and that means either Audrey has a daughter as well, or Tina does, and Tina was also banging Billy, which would explain why Audrey doesn’t care for her. Megan confirms this latter theory, her mom is the mysterious Tina. Anyway, Billy took off and left blood all over their kitchen. Megan still can’t remember if her uncle was there. This “uncle” has to be someone we know, or at least someone of significance. Then the music starts, Lissie, and the episode ends.___This hour was all about connecting storylines: Diane and company to Dougie Jones, to Twin Peaks; Cole’s dream hearkening back to the Jeffries scene in Fire Walk With Me; Andy et al to The Black Lodge and Cooper’s guide Naido; Freddie’s mysterious connection to The Black Lodge, to the Fireman/Dutchman/Giant/?????; Megan, Tina, Billy and Audrey, the unknown uncle – the strands are lining up to be braided. It was a masterful episode, no doubt about it, and one that hints at the structural genius of the series, how the pieces have been in places for decades waiting to align into a complete if mystifying narrative. There’s never been anything like this in the history of television or film, there’s never been a narrative this complex and captivating, this ingenious and insidious, this nuanced and multi-layered. This makes at least the second time – this season – that Twin Peaks has changed how its medium tells stories. TV, more so than film, is a mainstream art form, meaning it’s largely designed for various common denominators. Twin Peaks isn’t designed for anyone, for any standards, or for any expectations. It’s independent TV, for lack of a better term, it doesn’t adhere to the medium’s restrictions, it reshapes them. If you’re out there right now writing your first TV series spec, start over, the rules have changed.There’s a showdown coming, one bound to be set in The BlackLodge just as the showdown at the end of season two was, but if you’re expecting a clear-and-true resolution, watch Game of Thrones; that’s not Twin Peaks’bag. I have ideas on what’s coming – who is this dreamer, and just how long have they been dreaming? We did see little Sarah Palmer (who I’m calling the black-and-white girl who swallowed the bug-BOB in episode 8) fall asleep back in the 50s – but I know they pale to what we’re actually going to get in just three short but soul-crushingly-long weeks.Fourteen down. Four to go. Brace yourselves.More to Read: